


No Bite

by futurelounging



Category: Outlander & Related Fandoms, Outlander (TV)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Nonsense, a bear watches people have sex, crackfic, me being goofy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-07
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-08-19 23:24:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16544309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/futurelounging/pseuds/futurelounging
Summary: We were so busy watching Jamie and Claire get it on in 4x01, we didn't notice someone else was watching them.A conversation between two bears.





	No Bite

 

Bear 1: Where have you been? I thought you were going to be home for dinner. Left some fish for you, but I don’t know how good it is anymore. Flies all over it.

 

Bear 2: [squints at fish, grimaces] Eh, I’ll pass. I found some berries on the walk back. Not much, but I could stand to lose a few.

 

Bear 1: Hmph

 

Bear 2: What?

 

Bear 1: I didn’t say anything.

 

Bear 2: [stretches out on some leaves]

 

Bear 1: So, are you going to tell me where you were?

 

Bear 2: Oh, right! So I’m walking along the trail by the river - 

 

Bear 1: The one with the hill you always slide down on your ass or the one with the burrs that you can’t seem to avoid?

 

Bear 2: The burr one. Anyway, I get up the hill and I immediately smell smoke, so I move a little closer to see what’s up.

 

Bear 1: Humans, I bet, right? They sure love sitting by fire.

 

Bear 2: Exactly. So, I keep my distance so they don’t smell me, but when I get close enough to see them, I swear to god, they’re sitting by this fire, half undressed and kind of wrestling, but like really badly. The bigger one could have easily flipped her off of him, but he just let her stay on him bouncing away doing god-knows-what. And they’re huffing and growling at each other and then I see him open his mouth and I start to get excited. Like, okay, here we go. This is brilliant, I’m thinking. He’s lured her onto him and then he’s going in for the kill.

 

Bear 1: Oh please tell me it was a bloodbath.

 

Bear 2: [sighs] So, he opens his mouth, teeth poised to chomp...and then he just sort of gnaws on her shoulder, doesn’t even break the skin, and they sort of slump against each other and just roll over and go to sleep.

 

Bear 1: What the fuck.

 

Bear 2: Yeah, I know. It was all so disappointing I just left.

 

Bear 1: Okay, well promise me next time you see them you’ll go after them. We don’t need that nonsense around here.

 

Bear 2: Oh definitely. I’ll take ‘em out.


End file.
